what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
She bit a glass in half.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Randomize
