The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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