Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
