just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize