I want to make a zoo with you.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
