oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
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