I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
No...this little piggys going to the bar
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
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