Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Randomize
