you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
