Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
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