I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Randomize
