I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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