mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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