dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Randomize
