It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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