Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
