Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Randomize
