my sisters under your porch take her home
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
So I just went to clothing optional bar
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
