she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Randomize
