yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize
