Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
You may now shotgun with the bride
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
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