I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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