The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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