This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
