She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
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