eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Randomize
