I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
Randomize
