Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I want to fling myself into the sun
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Randomize
