mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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