So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Randomize
