yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
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