I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Randomize
