sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
