I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
