Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
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