you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
