Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Randomize
