U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
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