I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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