I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
