It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Randomize
