david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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