I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
