i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
