"it" just moved
can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize
