Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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