whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
