I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
I look excited, but its just a facade.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
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