Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
