they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
I don't want my vagina anymore.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
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