Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
