I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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