peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Are these your boobs on my camera?
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
