Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
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