I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Randomize
