i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Randomize
