Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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