Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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