So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
my vag is so smooth its legendary
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
