Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize