i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Randomize
