it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
My feet surprised me
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
