mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
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