hotel room ftw
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Randomize
