when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
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