I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
