I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
we made out on top of his cat.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
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