Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
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