Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize