If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
just found out that she named her cat after me.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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