Little spoons don't ask big questions
I wish they made helmets for livers.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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