Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Randomize