every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
