Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
