ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Randomize