she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
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