Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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